From de.weblail.it via IkeaHackers.net

Yeah, I know that by mentioning the ad, it has served it’s immediate purpose but really, is it worth it if I’ll have a negative association with the brand in the future? Whatever, right? I’m not buying a Ford Focus anyway.

Today I met someone whose personal damage was incompatible to my own and wow, was it a difficult situation. It still is and it’s been hours. This particular damage was one that has a certain knife-like quality for me. It takes the form of repeated declarative statements about the subject’s state of being, such as, “you’re really upset today” or “I’m glad that you agree.” Reread the first sentence here for another example of imposing personal assumptions upon others.

While seemingly harmless, this insidiousness does two things:

1. It depersonalizes the subject. The recipient of these observations are not asked for their opinion, their state of being, nor are they allowed to correct the misinterpretation. Quite the opposite; the judgement is repeated, often enthusiastically, to show how observant and right the declarer is. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the declarer will not stray from their position and, indeed, will often intensify their efforts towards gaining submission. They want to make sure you know your place.
2. It reinforces the sense of superiority of the person making declarations by illustrating how engaged they are with their subject and by showing how much they care about the person’s wellbeing. Often, “I see that you’re angry right now” is followed by assurances of understanding and safety such as, “It’s alright to be angry. We’ll work through this.” Never mind that when the subject is not angry/upset/sad/[insert emotion here], the same one-sided declarations confirm how unsafe the situation is in truth.

I have found that usually, the people who make these sorts of aggressive “caring statements” are often the least in tune with those around them. They seem to be people who are least able to read subtleties (and sometimes not-so-subtleties) and respond appropriately but instead plunge headlong down a familiar path, desperately racing to get to the end where they are the saviour. This behaviour may be an attempt to comfort by forcing both parties onto familiar ground or it may be an attempt to correct an embarrassment, social misstep or perceived inadequacy by overstating how wonderful, gracious, and attentive a person the perpetrator actually is.

Whatever the root, this is a tough one for me to take. Because I was raised as the Great Invisible Child, this sort of behaviour eats away at me, well beyond the reach of my rational self. I’m betting there are a few of you out there who know what I mean. It would be nice to hear from anyone who might identify with the difficulty in coping with these often surprising scenarios. My strategy is basically to run for the hills because I haven’t found an effective way to deal. But I’m open to suggestions.